The Long Dark Blue

by Swain

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End Hits Records

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released September 9, 2016

Produced by Swain and J. Robbins.
Recorded and mixed by J. Robbins at the Magpie Cage in Baltimore, MD during 20 days in November, 2015.
Mastered by Dan Coutant at Sun Room Audio.

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Swain

Grow your hair out.

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Track Name: Hold My Head
When I’m feeling down, I don’t wanna get up.
I’m waiting for the day when I've felt enough.
Got a needle and thread, to fix my head.
But the hole is too large, so I’ll count myself dead.

Now I’m feeling blue. Like a long dark blue.
I wanna get well, but it acts like glue.
Patch me up, but keep me down.
Hold my head till I drown, drown, drown.
Track Name: Half Asleep / Half Awake
Quit my life, quit my job, quit my girlfriend.
Now I’m staring at the back of an old trend.
It made me happy. It made me sick.
It made my skin grow thick.

Because it gets cold, cold, cold.
And I’m getting old.

Gave up on caring, gave up on being fine.
Now I’m coping with a path of relentless decline.
Throw a dog a bone and I’ll spit it right out.
I’ve burnt all the things I can live without.

Because it gets cold, cold, cold.
And I’m getting old.

I’m living half asleep / half awake.
Track Name: Punk-Rock Messed You Up, Kid
“High school messed you up, kid”
“Parents messed you up.”
“Drugs messed you up, kid”
“Punk-rock messed you up.”

Feel just fine, with this past of mine.
Punch my guts, grow me a spine.

“Love messed you up, kid”
“Expectations messed you up.”
“Your wits messed you up, kid"
“Punk-rock messed you up.”
Track Name: Never Clean My Room
"Good riddance” / "Come again"
Said the lonely me back then.
“I like your face” / “Hate your guts"
Kiss goodbye, connect the dots.

When the thrill has come to an end, I’ll go.

File me under lost.
Search with your fingers uncrossed.
This place reeks of me.
So I'll burn the bedsheets blissfully.

When the thrill has come to an end.

Save yourself the trouble,
you can count on me to split.
I’ll never clean my room.
I’ll just move when I get sick of it.

Not a muse, just a drug.
Sweep myself beneath the rug.
"Clean your act” is what she wrote.
Wrap your hands around my throat.

When the thrill has come to an end.

Save yourself the trouble,
you can count on me to split.
I’ll never clean my room.
I’ll just move when I get sick of it.
Track Name: It's Hard To Make Friends
Someone hates me,
loves me,
fears me the most.
And I guess that's
me
I’m scared of.

Most don’t understand
it’s hard to make friends
when you can’t
even be friends
with yourself.

Some folks say they're
real crazy,
but they’re not
really, they’re fine.
And boring.

As for me, I’m
not sure, not fine
at all.
but I guess that’s o.k,
for just
a while longer.
Track Name: Kiss Me Hard
Your twisted torso.
My encumbered spine.
The cloud of sweat
as our bodies align.

I don’t want to sleep.
I don’t want to think.
I just want to feel.

Your sparking touch.
My long desire.
The grazed bare skin
we both require.

You kiss me well, when you kiss me hard.
And I want it all; every part.

Your buried face.
My lust is blind.
The hurried grip
that soothes the mind.
Track Name: Faze Me
What's madness? What’s tranquility?
What’s purpose in a life full of misery?
What’s meaning if it does no good?
What’s being an adult without your childhood?
What’s money if you’re always bored?
What good is a trip to what's already explored?
What’s a band if you’re not impressed?
What’s sleep without unrest?

If it doesn’t scare you, you’re not doing it right.
If it doesn’t faze you, you’re doing nothing at all.

What’s sex if it isn’t rough?
What’s a game if you’re not calling a bluff?
What’s a law if it isn’t good?
What are ethics if they’re not understood?
What’s better than to break the chains?
Break it down until nothing remains.
"What are the youth if they’re not rebelling?"
We’re not buying what you’re selling.

If it doesn’t scare you, you’re not doing it right.
If it doesn’t faze you, you’re doing nothing at all.

I am now.
And I wanna be here; I wanna be scared again.
Thrill me, faze me, kill my blues.
And I wanna feel it; I wanna be nervous again.
Track Name: Secrets Inside
Went out to pick up rocks.
Wanted to break my mirror.
"Ugly ugly, so fucking ugly”.
Never saw anything clearer.

Nevermind.
Couldn't find any rocks.
Hope it breaks on its own.

Wanted to gather my courage.
Saw someone I tried to woo.
Finally got the guts, fucking finally,
and the flirt told me “who?”.

Note to self:
Don’t even bother.

I lie awake at night.
Secrets inside.
Dreaming of someone better.
X’s for eyes.
Secrets inside.
Turn me in to someone better.
Track Name: Seen a Good Man (In a Bad Mood)
I’m at the end of myself, but I’m not dead (yet).
I just don’t know where I’m at.
No more color, through and through.
Paint me blue.

And now it’s raining in Berlin, and I’m almost going home.
I’d better stop this roam.
No more doubts, no more seconds guesses.
But now I’m staring at the wall.
Your success has made me small.
Envy; don’t wanna be seen.
Paint me green.

Dye me, stain me.
Blush.
Seen a good man in a bad mood.
Crushed.

I’m at a loss for words.
It never was supposed to hurt.
Molina, guide me through this cold.
Paint me gold.

Dye me, stain me.
Blush.
Seen a good man in a bad mood.
Crushed.

Pale sky.
It’s what I expect to see.
So please color me in ecstasy.

Dye me, stain me.
Blush.
Seen a good man in a bad mood.
Crushed.
Track Name: You're Not Special
You’re going places.
But all you ever wanted was to find a home.
Sick of the strangers that you meet.
Sick of those around you.

Their happiness kills you gently.

And now you’re tired of your faces.
Stretching every muscle, showing all kinds of smiles.
And now you’re playing all of their games.
You know all the moves, but you never liked to dance.

And your veil of joy is so striking.

So go ahead and waste it all.
No-one’s gonna save you.
You’re not special.
So go ahead and quit now.
You don’t deserve to be here.
You’re not special.
Track Name: Hoping For It
I wanna be a writer.
But I'm not doing shit.
I wanna be different.
But I'm not doing shit.

I wanna be a musician.
But I'm not doing shit.
Wasting my life being stuck at work.
But I'm not doing shit.

I'm thinking about it.
But I'm not doing shit.
I'm dreaming about it.
But I'm not doing shit.
I'm hoping for it.
But I'm not doing shit.

I wanna get better.
I wanna get better.
Track Name: It's a Strange Way Down (The Underwater Song)
Just one more soul to soothe the mind.
One more attempt to feed off mankind.
One more stab at trying to bite the hand...
One more destructive thought, to make me feel again.

It’s a strange way down.

A storm like no other, devoid of the sun.
All I ever wanted was to be someone's son.
No parents. No luck.
I hear a voice in every wind that tells me I am stuck.

It’s a strange way down.

Obsessed with time. I consume regret.
I mostly sleep and remain beset by
the truth, it's death, like a cigarette.
Slowly burning, fading, burning, fading, burning, fading.

Kiss until it bores you.
Fuck until it bores you.
Spit until it bores you.
Hit until it bores you.
Track Name: Rid Myself Of You
Spent too much time
alone with my mind.
Built walls to hide behind.
Don’t climb them.

Long, long hair.
I long for your care.
An easy way to hide
and make the shame subside.

Just go away, stay away

Dreamt I was gone.
But then it left me at dawn.
You’ve got me subdued,
long dark blue.

Just go away, stay away

Long dark blue.
Rid myself of you